Since I have been thawed out from being frozen for 417 years, I have noticed that my husband, William Shakespeare, has become quite the man to talk about. I was rather confused, considering, all he did was write a few plays that were preformed by men in tights and makeup in front of audiences who, for one cent, could come get drunk and get all their cross-dressing men fantasies out for the week... Plus, when they weren't drunk, they were usually off in a corner fornicating (We liked to do a lot of that back then).

I am just baffled that there are people who have dedicated their entire lives to the life of one man. 
Like, look at this guy:

First of all, what in God's name is he looking at?? My hubby up in heaven??

Second of all, this guy, Dr. Ace G. Pilkington (which I swear has to be a fake name), got his DOCTORATE in my husband at Oxford. If you're going to spend the $30,000 a year for an education at Oxford, one of the most prestigious universities in the world, why spend it on a doctorate in one person. Why not a doctorate in English overall??

This is the type of person who gets a masters degree in Arthurian Literature: Literature written about the legendary (made-up) character, King Arthur. I can remember my bewilderment a few years back, when I visited my dear old friend while she was attending university. She was taking a class called "Arthurian Legend" taught by an professor who was an expert in this field. As I sat in on the class, I found myself completely confused. The professor talked as if Arthur was a real person and had once been alive. She spoke of various intellectual discussions she had had with other Arthurian experts about this made-up character, and conferences she had attended where experts presented their amazing Arthurian "findings" to other experts.

And also, just for the record, since I'm from 500 years ago, so I would know: If King Arthur had been alive he wouldn't look like this:

He probably look more like this:

Or, even more likely, like this:

In addition, for the record, while we're on the subject of movie versions of people's lives... My husband DID NOT look like this:

If he had, my horrific, estranged marriage would have been a whole lot better.

Yesterday, while browsing around MindSay for people who had tags of Willy's name, I came upon a young lady by the name of Stargazer911. Stargazer911 expressed her undying love for my husband, and proceeded to call him HER husband. Of course, I couldn't just sit around and read these obvious lies, so I calmly left her an adult message:

Your husband?? Your husband? William was married to me!! That dirty bastard!!! I would kill him if he wasn't already dead! (I was going to add Get your hands off of him you bitch! but I decided against it).

Her response was downright unlady-like:

Who are you and what is this nonsense about you married to MY hubby?   Don't  you call him names I say!  I see you for what you are, an imposter!  You want to rub off on his fame don't you?  Well I must warn you, don't you dare dare!!!  I am a very loyal and disillusioned wife as you can see your grace.

She then wandered over to my blog and left a message about the spiritual awakening she experienced after meeting my husband. In my time, spirtual anythings were related to God, the heavenly father, NOT to my husband. Of all people, my husband would be the worst to discuss anything spiritual with. He believed in the old Greek gods of Apollo and Olympus (look at the gods who are in or mentioned in his plays).

I find you Americans (I believe that's what a lot of you call yourselves, although I am not sure. I am still trying to figure out what this word is because it did not exist in my time) to be very odd people. I do not believe any group quite like yours existed in my time. We certainly didn't dedicate our lives to ancient people. Except maybe Socrates... or Plato... or Homer (However, I believe you study him too... Although, we had no work where he said the phrase, "DOH!" ).