loveI have come out of hiding to announce some very special news. Saturday last, the 29th of April in the year of our lord, 2006, Lord Mullows of MindSay (also known as Sir BookSay as well) got down on one knee and proposed marriage to the one and only me, the Dutchess of Wales.
Of course, I said yes (and it wasn't for the shiny rock he placed upon my finger). I am happy to say that next year, in late spring or summer, Lord Mullows and I will become Mr. and Mrs. Mullows-Dutchess-BookSay-Wales.
Let the MindSay celebration begin!
I love my Matthew Ryan Ulmer for ever and ever and ever.
2003
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May 2005
June 2005
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
Hello. My name is Dutchess of Wales and no, I'm not really a fan of yours. While yes, I enjoyed the remake of Parent Trap years ago (even though I still prefer the original), I do not think I have ever seen another movie with you in it, and therefore, I cannot claim whether or not you have talent.
Talent or no talent aside, I am here to write you a letter to beg you to recant your recent statement to Teen People magazine that the interview with you in latest issue of Vanity Fair, of which you are on the cover (see right), is a pack of lies.
In the interview you admit to your battle with bulemia. You told interviewer Evgenia Peretz that when you were especially skinny, Tina Fey and Lorne Michaels "sat me down, literally before I was going to do [Saturday Night Live], and they said, 'You need to take care of yourself. We care about you too much, and we've seen too many people do this, and you're talented,' and I just started bawling. I knew I had a problem and I couldn't admit it.… I saw that S.N.L. after I did it. My arms were disgusting. I had no arms." You admitted that you were making yourself sick. And when Peretz specifically asked youwhether making yourrself sick meant throwing up, the answer was yes.
I was so happy to hear that you were finally telling the truth. After all the interviews where you denied your eating disorder's existence, after all the times you went back and forth, from one interview to the next, stating that you were "simply eating less," but then claiming that you never watched what you ate. That you did work out and then that you hated working out and never did it. After all the confusing, conflicting answers you gave when someone asked you about your sudden and quick weight loss... I was so glad to see that you were finally letting go of the control your eating disorder was having over you. Sooo glad that you could finally stand up and serve as a role model to many girls out there who has problems just as you do, showing them that these types of diseases are fightable and can be conquered. That bulemia or anorexia will not control you forever.
But then you had to go and recant it all. You had to email Teen People and say, "The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done."
And you had to accuse the Vanity Fair reporter of "lies and changing of my words." Then you had to get your publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, as well, to tell Teen People that you never battled bulimia.
You had to go ahead, once again, and tell the young girls of our country that looking the way you look is ok. No, not just ok, but desirable!
Maybe you aren't lying. Maybe Vanity Fair made it all up. Maybe reporter Evgenia Peretz, a well respected and one of Vanity Fair's "most reliable reporters" according to the magazine, made it all up and risked her reputation and career just to make you look bad. Maybe Lorne Michaels really didn't sit you down and tell you that you needed to stop (Although, I haven't heard him come out and dispute the statement). Maybe Vanity Fair's claim that they have the entire interview on tape is a big ol' lie.
Maybe, maybe, maybe... But I doubt it.
Dear, dear Lindsay. I hope to God you get help and don't waste away into nothingness like so many other girls have done. I also hope to God that you will one day be able to stand up and help other young girls get through bulemia.
Take care,
Dutchess of Wales
I am back from the blogging-dead to inform everyone about a brand new blog. You should all check out Mullow's new blog, BookSay , a funny, informative and intelligent blog that will chronicle Matthew Ulmer's voyage to getting published.
While yes, I am his girlfriend of quite a few years now, and I, therefore, have loyalties to him and whatever his life goals are, I am not imploring you to visit this blog and read it because of these loyalties. I am asking you to check out BookSay, because I have read Matt's work. From the simple, beautiful ten-lined poems he has written to his 400-page books, Matthew Ulmer is an amazing writer. He pulls you in and doesn't let you go until the last sentence. And even after you have finished reading his books, you are left with questions about life, which you ponder for hours and hours.
I believe one day Matt will be published. I believe he will see his picture on the jacket of one of his books. I believe he will go into Borders (or Barnes 'n Noble, since I think it's a better store, ;-) ) and see his books sitting there among other great writers, such as Stephen King or Ernest Hemingway (Yes, I understand that's a funny combination of writers, however, what makes one any greater than the other because one is considered "classic?"). I believe all of these things, because I believe in his writing.
I'm an English teacher. I know good writing when I see it. And I see it in Matthew Ulmer.
Go to BookSay and check it out for yourself, but you will see that I'm right. After all, everyone knows the teacher is always right. :-)
I haven't written in a while, but this guy bugged me so much that I just had to write (even if he was over-exaggerating his point for effect). I have copied and pasted his blog, adding my own comments in bold and italics. His blog begins under this comic a friend of mine recently sent to me, which I found to be very relevant to this blog's topic.
Christians are Destroying America
(Yes, that’s right. The 80% of the United States’ population that believes in Jesus is destroying the country. I took a lot of speech classes back in college and I’m pretty sure that’s called a false generalization.)
That's right, folks, you heard it right here. Christians and conservatives are trying to destroy America. (Again, the majority of the country is trying to destroy itself? Hmm… Interesting. I wonder what will happen when they finally succeed). Or, at the very least they are aiding the terrorists. (Wow. The anti-Christian terrorists are accepting help from the Christians? That’s very civilized of them.) How, you ask? It's all very simple: "It's 'Merry Christmas,' not 'Happy Holidays.'" Christians are trying to divide us when we are supposed to be unifying as a country against the hordes of those who would destroy our very way of life.
I was leaving a local grocery store (I won't post their name because I hate giving away free advertising; sorry Pic 'n' Save, I just don't play that game) (Umm... You just posted the grocery store’s name) and there were a couple of Shriners waving the bells and asking for handouts. Now I don't know what's worse: the fact that they were calling out, and I quote, "Merry Christmas, not happy holidays!" or that they were wearing those fezes so reminiscent of Muslim culture. I mean, just whose side are these people on? I mean, they're begging for handouts, they're trying to break up the fragile construct of our unified country and they're dressed like freedom-haters!!! (Hmm… I’m sorry, but isn’t you entire blog about how these people are breaking up the unity of America, and yet you yourself are alluding that anyone who dresses in Muslim garb must be a freedom-hater? Aren’t people like you, who discriminate a group of people based on how they are dressed, going so far as to compare them to terrorists, the type of people who are breaking America apart?) I was so infuriated that I made a promise never to shop at that local grocer if he had those anti-Americans with their hands out in front of his store again (You heard me, Pic 'n' Save, I've got your number!). (I’m pretty sure these Christians you saw were commenting on the fact that it’s becoming unpolitically-correct and even wrong to wish someone a happy or merry “enter religious holiday here.” They are stating their frustration with the fact that we are no longer allowed to even mention a particular religion’s holiday, for fear that we will be leaving out another religion. I am a teacher and all my students are either Jewish or Christians (except for one Atheist, but she celebrates Christmas). If all of my students celebrate Christmas or Hanukah, why shouldn’t I be able to decorate my room in both Hanukah and Christmas decorations and celebrate everyone’s holiday? Why shouldn’t I be able to wish them all a very happy Hanukah or a very merry Christmas? And what exactly were the Masons collecting for? I’m sure, considering the present holiday season, they were collecting for some charity. Perhaps one the many hospitals that support children with polio that they’ve established all over the country.)
The latest argument seems to be that "Happy Holidays" is an anti-christian statement. Well excuse me, Bible-thumpers, but we're at war here. We need to show the world that America, with it's Christians and Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Buddhists and Shintos and Taoists and Pagans and whatnot is unified, that we're strong against our enemy. If we start favoring one particular holiday/religion over the others, we'll just prove we're no better than those RPG toting evil-doers in the Middle East, but then I'm sure you'd love that, wouldn't you? (Interesting point. Except, how exactly is being able to wish someone a merry Christmas favoring one religion over another? Those that are upset over this recent push for a politically correct holiday season are not upset because they want people to ONLY wish each other a merry Christmas. They want people to be able to wish each other a merry or happy religious holiday, whatever that holiday may be, and not be scrutinized and yelled at for “leaving one religion out.” You say we need to “show the world that America, with its Christians and Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Buddhists and Shintos and Taoists and Pagans, is unified.” Of course. I’m pretty sure anyone would agree with that statement. But what does that have to do with being able to wish someone a merry Christmas? I’m pretty sure there are only two religions that you mentioned that have holidays during the official holiday season. If I saw “Merry Christmas” to a Christian or “Happy Hanukah” to a Jew, how am I favoring one religion over all the rest?)
This is why we need the FBI stationed outside our churches, ladies and gentlemen. (Don’t you mean Masonic Temples considering the people who made you so upset that you needed to make a pointless blog about it were Shriners, which are people part of the Masonic movement?) While christians may seem innocent, the fact is they are really in cahoots with Al Queda. They want to see our country break apart at the seams, rather than unify against a common enemy. (So 80% of the country wants to be broken up. And 80% of the country are terrorists.) They want to destroy the soul of America, the differences of our people that make us so unique. (Actually, didn’t you say we shouldn’t talk about our differences? That we should all blend together and unify? That pointing out our differences is favoring on difference over another?)
And one last little word: I'd keep an eye on those G.D. Shriners. For all you know, they've got a bomb under their anti-American fezes. (Dear the God this imbecile just damned – Please teach this guy how to spell fezzes!) A bomb or some kind of listening device, trying to beam our most sensitive information to Osama Bin Ladin and Zarcowie and all them evil terrorist scofflaws. (Don’t forget the Christians!) Thank you, and Godspeed.
